November 22, 2010

It has been a long time since I have written like this, pausing mid-day with a cup of tea and listening; trying to put into some kind of word form what comes to me. I’m not sure why I stopped. I suppose it really does not matter. All I know is that over the past few weeks I have experienced a quiet persistent urge to reconnect with this discipline. I wonder how many other quiet persistent urges live within me…subtle stirrings I am unaware of?

We live and move in this world with such certainty. We like our rhythms and routines. Our cars start most of the time, we travel to and fro without accident, we see our friends and kinfolk, people age and die, babies are born, and on and on and on. But there are the inevitable times when this calm surface is broken like something akin to the cold arctic air mass that is descending upon us this late November day. Slowly it appears on the horizon. Unpredictable. We begin to pay attention. Yes, in this day and age it becomes an instantly huge media event, but even if we could set that aside we can feel the first fingers of the cold just by walking outside for a few minutes.

I am reminded of Esau. He is going about being Esau day after day when suddenly there appears on his horizon a few people bearing gifts and messages of goodwill.
A few people soon turns into a multitude including herds of sheep, cattle, horses, and oxen. There must have been a great accompanying cloud of dust. Esau gathers 400 warriors around him and waits for the unpredictable that is coming his way. He receives the homage intended for him, knowing that at some point soon he will confront his brother who has tricked and betrayed him. Years earlier he wanted to kill his brother. His heart changes over time. When Isaac finally arrives, trembling in his own right and limping after the previous night’s wrestling match, Esau throws his arms around him and welcomes him back.

I go about my day to day and suddenly there is the hint of something happening on the horizon, like Isaac limping forward, I cannot escape its inevitability. I can embrace or kill. Today I choose to embrace the muse of the T@3... she has been walking towards me for quite a while now. I wonder if she is limping?